The Right One? Part 2

I did not expect to come up with a part 2 when I wrote the first one. However one friend from Iowa State, Dr. Jefferies made a comment on the first one on the lines of the following, what did the people who marriage did not work do. I asked different people and pondered from previous observations (I have seen a much significant amount of marriages that had failed or at least one of the party is not happy in the marriage than happy marriages). It was not really that when I got to Iowa I really start seeing a better number of people that are married and actually like each other. Especially when I became active in the church. However sorry about the tangent but the question at hand is what not to do when looking for the right one. I used the observation, divorce records (data about divorces from lawyers), etc to answer this question. I have seen numerous things however it took an article from Gillis Triplett Ministries to some of the reasons to the following:

1. They become the wrong mate
2. They chose the wrong mate
3. Their marriage was established on a weak foundation, (i.e. sex, unplanned pregnancy, her biological clock, his need to control women)
4. They didn’t properly get to know each other
5. They were unequally yoked
6. Their past relationships/marriages came back to haunt them
7. One or both spouses:
o Made false assumptions about the other
o Brought harmful baggage or unresolved issues into their union
o Had soul ties with past: spouses, lovers or sex partners
o Did not know the “Art of Communication”
o Were too immature to marry
o Could not accept the other’s child(ren)
o Entered the union infected the HIV/AIDS virus or some other STD
o Harbored bitterness toward the opposite sex prior to their wedding
o Had a defective/bad character
o Married for the wrong reason(s)
o Were bound by a generational curse of divorce
o Had an improper vision for the family
o Had unrealistic marital expectations
o Didn’t comprehend the financial responsibilities or marriage
o Never had proper marital role models
o Never submitted to pre-marital training, counseling of mentoring
o Didn’t know, understand or comprehend what “True Love” is
o Didn’t know or understand what commitment is
o Didn’t know, understand or respect the sacredness of the marriage covenant
http://www.gillistriplett.com/rel101/articles/marriages_fail.html

When you think of it reason 1, 2, and 3 are the result of 4. All these reasons could be solved with CCG (Communication, Compromise, and God). What about Love, you might ask. Well if God is in both parties life then they will have love for is written that God is Love. I have written a note earlier titled “What is Love”, explaining the three types of love. However the love that is giving by God is considered to be AGAPE (unconditional) Love. Also based on I Corinthians 13: 4-7 is a summary of that love:

Love is patient
Love is kind
Love is not jealous
Love is not boastful
Love is not arrogant
Love is not rude
Love is not self seeking
Love is not easily angered
Love does not hold grudges
Love does not delight in evil
Love rejoices in the truth
Love protects
Love trusts
Love hopes
Love preserves

For those who are worried about the biological clock or who is planning on getting married in the future, I beseech you to take the Love list and everywhere the Love is located place your name( and your pattern if possible) there for the one which is carried out. Whatever one that you cannot put your name by, then it can be an eye opener to what is needed to be worked on. I believe that the more attributes that a couple possess the better there chances a having a successful marriage.

I hope this has been beneficial and enlightening for you. I pray that the Lord that the words will at least be taken to heart. Also as usual questions, comments and concerns are welcome. Take care and may the Lord bless you. Remember God loves you and I do too.

DISCLAIMER: I do not claim to be an expert or a know-it-all. I am going off of observations and other support material for the following message.